If you are going through a divorce, you might be hurt by or angry with your ex-spouse. It is important not to involve your kids in your personal emotions stemming from divorce. Divorce can be a tough adjustment for children. As a parent, it is up to you to set a good example when it comes to dealing with your ex-spouse. Here are four strategies that can help with staying amicable with your ex during a divorce and over time.
1. Go Through a Mediator
You and your soon-to-be ex-spouse might feel strongly about parenting styles that you would like to remain consistent after your split. Any parenting and do's and don'ts need to be laid out and discussed early on so you are on the same page. If you can't even get along to do this, having a family law mediator can help you voice your concerns and work with your ex constructively.
2. Get Joint Custody Mapped Out
The more detailed your joint custody agreement is laid out, there will be less wiggle room for trouble down the line. When your divorce is being finalized, be sure to work with a family lawyer that can go over all of the different custody options and find an agreement that both you and your ex agree on. If one of you reluctantly agrees to something you aren't comfortable with, this can cause animosity down the line.
3. Fake it Until You Make it
Tensions might be running high right after a divorce, but in a few years you might not even remember why you hated your ex so much. Even if you are still angry with your spouse, try to keep things civil during pick-ups and drop-offs. Kids will be paying attention. If you and your ex can't see each other without fighting, this can be upsetting for your children.
4. Talk to a Professional
Don't bog your kids down with your emotions stemming from divorce, even if they are older. If you need someone to talk with, find a professional counselor or therapist that can help you through the rough patches. Having someone outside of your immediate circle to talk with can keep you from being tempted to air your issues with your kids.
It is important to remember that, over time, consistency and security should be upheld for your child after a divorce. Divorce can be a rocky time for everyone in your family. Staying amicable with your ex can help lessen your kids anxiety and make the transition of divorce less upsetting over time. For more advice about the divorce and/or mediation process, contact a company like Topalian & Associates.